Charming Changes

So, guess what? I changed my major! Good thing I'm only a freshman. Well, I technically changed my major. It's still going to be a double major in Psychology and Philosophy, but instead of the Neuroscience option (B.S.) for Psychology, I've decided that I'm going to change to (B.A.) Psychology because then I'll be able to take a lot more classes that I'm interested in taking instead of the pre-requisite classes to the actual classes that I'd have to take for the neuroscience option. Yay?! So, how have I come to this? I realized that I'm doing horribly in Chemistry and pretty much had a mental, I mean, nervous breakdown the night of the review before the first exam. I thought about how I would fail and it's not going to go well. I don't even want to be a doctor (which was why I was going with the neuroscience option anyway). So yeah, I talked to the advisers for Psychology and Philosophy and it seems to work out perfectly. I would only need 15 more credits along with whatever Psychology requires to graduate with a double major. Gee, that makes me think that maybe possibly I could minor in something too... But most of the classes I want to take are just Psychology- and Philosophy-based anyway... Sooo... maybe a minor in some sort of thing of Psychology or Philosophy along with those B.A.?

Anyways, what else... I've started "knitting" scarves and making bracelets out of string which is pretty fun. I've been meeting people like crazy (not really, but I have met people). I think Imagine Dragons is coming to my school, which is cool. Not sure who else will be coming to play. What other hobbies do I have?... Hmm... Not really sure. I learned a magic trick? Which I'll need to improve on. Also, learning some other things!

And back to school, classes, and what-have-you. My classes are going well. This week has been mainly adjusting to the things going on, like dropping that chemistry class. I seem to have more time now! Getting serious about doing work! Today was a somewhat productive day! I got some work done a lot faster than I thought I was going to. I am going to be going to juggling club soon! Yay! Passing the time by. Also, there was this incident with this kid in my psychology class, who I kind of insulted the first day I met him (it was a joke!) and then I forgot his name. I made him a bracelet though (in the extra time that I had - it took me about 4 hours to make) in hopes of (re-)kindling a friendship that may not have been there, especially with that first impression. The thing is though, he probably doesn't even remember, or hold a grudge against me, even though he did start sitting on the opposite side of the class, but maybe he was before he sat next to me anyways. We'll see. That's not weird, is it?

Things are getting exciting! I've made new friends, which I find to be good friends, even if we don't talk that often. Well, probably more often that not, but whatever. I'll be able to schedule classes for the summer soon! And then get a plane ticket home :) Well, plan a flight back home for the summer. I've also already started planning my classes for the fall semester. Yippee. I really enjoy planning. It's fun. I'm probably also going to start planning what classes I can sit in on for the first days of class (getting started ahead of time to get syllabi! I've figured it out!). What else.... Well, there are things! Things are looking up! Yay! Excitedness! Optimism! Life!

Snow Slush (Flurry)

What have we all been waiting for? The new snow that is supposed to be coming with all of its slushiness and water, snowflakes and ice. Well, that happened... and it escalated quickly. The school decided to have "delays" due to the "inclement weather," but hey, that makes us all happy right? I got to sleep in late, and two of my classes got cancelled for the day. An exam got pushed back, and this gives me more time to study :D Yay! Also, this is exciting because the snow was just about to disappear and I wanted it to be snowy again because it's nice. I mean, it's cold, but still. And, there was just random piles of leftover snow for a while and it was starting to get annoying because it's lying to me (dramatic).
So, I've been writing a bit more :) Yay! I suppose I just have no one to talk to really. But that's okay. But that's not the only reason to write. A lot of things happen. I've been feeling a bit down from time to time. I'm not really sure what to do. I'm figuring out which friends would accept me for who I am or might become, and if I would have to keep things from certain friends because I know they don't approve of some things.
Just the other day, I talked to one of my friends about "ideal man preferences" and what I like to call "ideally not preferences" or "ideal prefer nots." I'm thinking of writing them down sometime, but I also want to clarify that I'm not trying to justify these as my standards, but rather just things that would be nice. I admit that I'm picky, but I'm also lenient and willing to give people chances. These preferences are not set in stone, so even if I say, for example, "I prefer a guy that is around my height (like around 6 in. taller max, and 3 in. shorter min.)." I don't mean they HAVE TO be in those height restrictions, but I'm just thinking that if he's too tall or too short, it might be awkward. But, the heart wants what the heart wants sometimes, so I have no idea how tall guys are going to be. So, more on this sort of stuff later, maybe. (I don't want to get people's hopes up, or bring them down, so I might not officialize it or anything).
Today, I think I'm going to share some songs that I think represent how I feel, like by most of the lyrics and whatnot. They kind of go together and I like them too, although they make me kind of sad. The first I would like to share is Lost in my Mind by The Head and The Heart. Pretty much, I'm feeling "lost in my mind" because I tend to wander off in thought... I think too much. Another song I want to share is Heartilation by Andrew Jackson Jihad. "If you think you're better than me, you're right. There's no one to love, there's no one to trust in my life." "Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe, sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heart beat anyway." "I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see, is the worst in everything, that's all I'm going to get." - All of these lyrics in the song, I feel as though I can relate to. The last song I wanted to share is Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. "Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you." "No you don't know what it's like, to be like me. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down and feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, and there's no one there to save you." I kind of feel like that too. I don't really think I have many friends, although I call people friends. I've been starting to think that I would be one of those people who are never invited to weddings unless it's in my family because I don't have any close friends, if friends at all. I don't think I make an impression, and maybe it seems like I have a lot of friends, so people aren't worried, but I don't really have friends at all. I feel like it's easy to meet people and all, but it's hard for me to form real friendships that have the sharing of secrets and the trust and all... And this all sounds pretty depressing, but I hope it'd change eventually. There are people I talk to from time to time, so I'm hoping to bear through it all.
Uh, anyway... Classes are alright. I already feel like I'm slightly falling behind though. I need to step my game up and study. I feel bad, but I'm getting slightly irritated at my roommate and her friend(s) because it's hard for me to concentrate in my dorm room then. And I also don't know where else to study. I'm liking my classes so far, with the exception of some professors that have little things that annoy me a bit, but the courses themselves are good.
Not quite sure what much else has happened... So maybe until next time! (And anyways, I gotta go eat lunch now while I can!)

Troubling Times

Oooh. Troubling Times.... but not really. Maybe. Anyways, right now I'm just waiting for one of my other classes to start. I still have about an hour. Too much time, eh? Well, actually, I was planning on having breakfast, but my roommate is still asleep, so I decided to just have a snack (Cheesecake Brownie from Starbucks) and a drink (Venti White Mocha with caramel drizzle, kid's temperature, and vanilla syrup). I also decided to just write in this here blog, which I believe is the first time for this new semester (not the New Year! - since I think I wrote here sometime around New Year's).
Let's see... What's been up? Well, I'm liking my classes more or less. I've got Statistics, Developmental Psychology, Chemistry, Symbolic Logic (math-ish! FUN! I love math :D ), and.... Rhetoric! (the ellipses were purely because I had to think in that time since I knew I had about one more class). I realized that I feel a bit uncomfortable that some people I met last semester are in some of my classes (don't get me wrong, it's nice to talk to them, but..) because I realized that it makes it harder for me to meet new people. When I find out that people I know are in my class, and especially if I sit next to them, I'm taking the time away from meeting new people and I also feel weird meeting new people. This is different from last semester since I didn't know anyone in the beginning and I didn't have to worry about this problem. Well, I'm sure it'll be fine and anyway, there's my New Year's Resolution of meeting so many people, so there! I have already met at least 10 people, so yay!
What else.... Troubling Times? I woke up at 3 in the morning to have a bloody nose the other day (meaning yesterday). Why? Not quite sure. I didn't plan it, but it just happened. That was a bit of a scare because it seemed like more blood than usual (not to gross anyone out). So yeah, that was a fun time... Waking up in the middle of the night to get a bloody nose to go back to sleep to wake up early. I  also realized that I tend to stress myself out by thinking too much (wait, I knew that already), but it's become even more apparent in recent times. I start thinking about things that aren't as big a deal right now, but still... Like, taking out loans... I'm not sure how that'll all work out... Also, how my classes are going to go... Also, recently, I've becoming more and more irritated at people in general, and I feel bad about that. I'm sure most of it is my fault, but it kind of is also the people's faults. Why are people so annoying? And/Or dumb? And whatnot. (A friend of mine pointed out that I say "whatnot" a lot - whatever! It's better than saying "and stuff" a lot, isn't it?). People make me stressed out... I make myself stressed out. I think I'm becoming more and more claustrophobic. I noticed that I like talking about myself a lot (but by noticing that, it makes me really annoyed at myself and I just want to punch myself in the face). I might develop panic attacks, or at least I feel like I have a hard time breathing when I think about a lot of things like this, or maybe I just hold my breath because... just because. A lot of things happen and they happen quickly. I want things to happen quickly, but then they end up happening slowly.
Wow, life is a bit much for me. Thinking, thinking. I want to do so many things, but instead, I'm on the internet, not doing much, procrastinating. I want to stop procrastinating, or at least procrastinating less. *sigh* I tend to blame other people. I blame other things, but I also blame myself. I want to travel. I want to study abroad (maybe grad. school in England!). I want to experience things. I want to earn money. I want to design my own house. I want to make my own clothes (since I'm picky about things). I want to eat all these different foods (in time, not exactly like a fatty). I want to go back home for a bit. I want to get over my ex-boyfriend (I feel like I'm over him, but maybe I just really hate him). I want to have a boyfriend. I want to have meaning in life. I want to be someone who can be considered successful (especially in my own eyes). I want to achieve great things. I want. I want. I want.
I know that if I want something I should just do it, or whatever, but that's hard to do in such little time. I think that time moves so slowly and I'm sure I could do more than half of those things, but I want them to happen now. Or if people say to just do it anyway, they don't understand that these things happen with time. There's so much pressure. Ahhhh.
Anyways, until next time!

(Re)Starting Stories

So, it's a new year :) That means, new experiences, fresh start, the continuation to living life, etc. I hope everyone's 2012 year have been fairly good/great, filled with ups and downs (just as one's year usually is, not that I'm hoping there've been downs), but ending with a boom and a bang (of positivity).
Now, if any of that made sense, then awesome. I'm not sure how many people make resolutions, but I know I do. I think I've been making resolutions for the past... maybe 3-4 years now. I've been keeping track of them in a draft on my email, but hey, whatever works, right? I'll share my resolutions in hopes to inspire or maybe just to get it out there (and have people roll their eyes - you'll see what I mean):
1) Earn at least a 3.2 cumulative gpa (so, I have the spring semester, summer, and following fall semester).
2) Meet a new person everyday, or at least 365 people - preferably at least one person a day (more or less) - I actually changed this by adding the second part (at least 365 people) because I wasn't sure how I would meet someone on New Year's considering nothing is really open and there isn't much to do especially since most people are likely to be staying in-doors (you might know why).
3) Receive flowers and/or chocolates by (a) guy/s - preferably on Valentine's Day (I know, how typically girly of me, but what can I say? I think it'd be a cute gesture)
4) Read at least 10 books (this seems easy, but I've been having some trouble reading, and don't get me wrong, I love books, but I'm starting small - I have a tendency to make goals of reading certain amounts of movies, books, and shows, and they get all mixed up)
5) Be able to juggle at least five of something (I think it's doable by the end of the year; as of now, I can ideally juggle four things, but I still need to practice at it)
6) Attend a music festival, if not that, then maybe just a festival of sorts (When I say music festival, I'm thinking Lollapalooza or Sasquatch, but I feel like that's not likely at all, at least in this year, so as a last resort any festival will work - maybe like a juggling festival)
7) Save up $2000 somehow (I'm sure the somehow sounds a bit weird, but I just feel like I should try to save money instead of spend it all the time... I think it's doable... maybe get a new job... eventually)
8) Lose 15 pounds (by that, I mean 15 pounds off of what I weigh about now, which I don't exactly know, but I'll just guess and subtract 15 from that and by the end of the year hopefully get to the latter number)
9) Get kissed on New Year's for the following year (2014)
10) I don't really have a #10, but I'm keeping it up as a reminder that I can add something and keep an open-mind for new goals or what-have-you
I realize that a lot of these are actually more like goals, and truthfully, that's how I see New Year's Resolutions. I know that they're usually something people keep for the whole year, or at least try to, like, "No drinking soda" - and that means to not drink soda for as long as they could, but mine aren't like that really. They're more just for my own motivations through the year, to look back on and attempt to complete them. Also, you may have noticed that I use "at least" in some of them, which doesn't mean much for the number then, but it helps me to have at least a number goal, so I can strive for something, then decide whether I want to go further or not.
Enough about the new year for now - I'm going to talk about what's been up since I last posted. So, if I remember correctly, I last posted before Christmas at my friend's house. Well, I'm now at her apartment, Christmas was pretty good, more or less. There was a bit of drama that happened, but overall, things were good. The food was good, the presents were nice. I now know that candles are perfect gifts to get anyone, since everyone gave out candles. My friend and I headed back a bit early because of the storm that was coming. Then my friend went off to see some of her other friends in a different city/town, and I was just chilling in one of her closets. I was sick, for a while, still might be, but fret not! It isn't that bad. Just standard cold - with the runny nose and the coughing. I spend the past couple days or so mostly working on summer school things, such as review and whatnot, while I can. I also spent them at cafes, getting lattes and quiche. I cannot express how much I love quiche. But anyway, I also spent New Year's Eve in downtown because the town apparently has this "first night" event where there are ice sculptures and shows/performances. I went to see two different juggling acts, which was fun and entertaining. One of the juggling acts is a "one man variety" act, who just happens to have been the past president of my school's juggling club. How exciting. I got to meet him and talk to him for a while which was cool. Then for New Year's, I went to go pick up my friend at the bus stop. It was a bit scary and cold, having to walk there myself (plus there was news earlier in the year of an attack/er on that road), but as you can see, I am still alive! Yay!
And that brings us to now pretty much. I'm writing in this here blog. Well, I suppose I'll say that I'm excited for the new year, and excited to see how it will turn out. I'm excited for school to start back up and to meet all those new people. All in all, I'm just hoping for a positive year and starting off with a positive mindset (more or less). I hope everyone has a great New Year!
-Until Next Time