So, I know I haven't blogged here for a while, but I suppose it's just that I haven't a clue what to write about, or how to write in this blog again. I've also been trying to figure things out, outside of blogging because I'm creating so many blogs. I apologize for that. It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to blog because I think there's a vulnerability that I'm putting myself into by creating so many different blogs, by trying to be more open. It's not that I'm against being open, but I think I'm hesitant or something... I think I enjoy the veil and air of mystery behind this blog. But now, that's sort of lost in the jumbles of trying to get everything out there. This blog used to be about my day-to-day college happenstances, my life, my thoughts, but now it's just here... Ready to be lain to rest, but not really. I can't put this blog to rest. I like it too much. This is the blog that got me to enjoy writing, to enjoy blogging, to help me get to the way I am today. The way I am now. It's all muddled with all the muddlings, but I still pride myself in this blog. Through the year, it's seen me develop as an individual. It's been there to see my different styles of writing. Been there to help me talk to someone, when I've felt like no one's there. It's been there in my franticness and all. It's accepted me. It's helped me feel poetic.
I wish I could write more, but I'm at a loss for words. At a road block. Traveling down a road where the tumbleweeds pass by. I don't know really.... I'm hoping there's something in this blog that I can get back, or start anew. But, until next time...
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
My Body Definitely Hates Me
Lucky for this gal, just as I was having fun with my friends for my birthday, I started feeling like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. That's always a fun thing, right? The feeling of not wanting to eat, and not wanting to do anything and working on 3 hours of sleep and feeling light-headed and woozy and seeing things and stuff. Maybe partially it's my fault. Maybe my body and I, we're in a love-hate relationship. I'm not quite sure. I try to feed it all of its supplements, I try to feed it food, and all it does is go: Nope. Nope. You actually might want to throw up now. You want fresh air, but you can't move fast. You can't move slow. You can't even lie down. Sucker. Sucks fo' youuu.
Let's see... I ate very little today. A bite of a slice of pizza, a couple of pieces of broccoli and rice, a couple of pieces of mandarin orange slices, and a carrot. For lunch. Not sure if anything else was involved besides a couple of sips of strawberry banana smoothie and water. BUT this was not my fault because my mouth does not want to cooperate with my stomach and in the end, I could only eat so much. Later on, I had a veggie burger... and FINISHED it. On top of this veggie burger was lettuce and provolone cheese and pickles and it was dipped with ketchup, mayo, and A1 sauce. Yummy. Glad I got to eat that. Then a bit later, I ate a bit of cake (for my late birthday). And then, it got to the point where I hadn't eaten anything for about 3 hours, but I had juice (orange peach mango with passion fruit syrup), and then had 2 semi-fries and some water. At that point, I was already feeling a bit under the weather and felt the want/need to throw up. Did that happen? ...Not yet. Hopefully just not.
Anyways, I suppose I shall head in to sleep, and perhaps I shall blog some more later. Way to end the day!
Good night all. Best wishes. Lots of love. Sleep well, be merry, and a bunch of other happy things!
Let's see... I ate very little today. A bite of a slice of pizza, a couple of pieces of broccoli and rice, a couple of pieces of mandarin orange slices, and a carrot. For lunch. Not sure if anything else was involved besides a couple of sips of strawberry banana smoothie and water. BUT this was not my fault because my mouth does not want to cooperate with my stomach and in the end, I could only eat so much. Later on, I had a veggie burger... and FINISHED it. On top of this veggie burger was lettuce and provolone cheese and pickles and it was dipped with ketchup, mayo, and A1 sauce. Yummy. Glad I got to eat that. Then a bit later, I ate a bit of cake (for my late birthday). And then, it got to the point where I hadn't eaten anything for about 3 hours, but I had juice (orange peach mango with passion fruit syrup), and then had 2 semi-fries and some water. At that point, I was already feeling a bit under the weather and felt the want/need to throw up. Did that happen? ...Not yet. Hopefully just not.
Anyways, I suppose I shall head in to sleep, and perhaps I shall blog some more later. Way to end the day!
Good night all. Best wishes. Lots of love. Sleep well, be merry, and a bunch of other happy things!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Melancholic Mishaps
So, to no surprise, I'm back in a fairly depressed state. That isn't to say I am depressed or not, but I'm just a bit sad. Things haven't been going well for me and today just overwhelmed me and kicked me in the butt. I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later, so I guess better now than later? Perhaps. I don't know. I'm just in a weird... place.
Not really sure what to say, but I suppose I might write more later. Just thinking a lot. In a different way than I have been.
Not really sure what to say, but I suppose I might write more later. Just thinking a lot. In a different way than I have been.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Truth Be Told...
That other blog I was talking about, it's actually really hard to establish. It's not that encouraging that no one seems to be doing much about anything. But I mean, I suppose it should be more of a self-encouraging thing. I'm really into the idea and all, but I suppose I just don't know how to quite go about it. I have all these different ideas for the whole thing, but it's a bit difficult to start a foundation for it. Right now, the actual WordPress blog is a skeleton because I'm not sure what to do. It has potential and everything, but I don't want to mess things up. I don't want people to get wrong impressions or anything. I also have a hard time writing because all these thoughts in my head tend to come and go. Like my thoughts on irreversibility from psychology. That was an interesting thought: It's pretty much saying how kids can't tell that an object can go back to an original state - such as starting with two balls of clay that are the same size and changing the shape of one. The kids don't think it could go back to its original ball shape. My thoughts on it was that maybe they're right though. When you change the shape of the clay, and then mold it back, technically, it's the same clay, but it's not the same as it was before. But I mean, I guess the concept is more of how it's going back to the shape rather than the same clay. It might be my philosophical side thinking of things - like the river in Siddhartha. Time flows and all that, but the river five minutes ago is not the same as the river now. I think that's also how I've been thinking of things. You cannot be the same person that you were moments ago, because the moment's passed. In that bit of time, you've gained something more that changes you as a person. One simple thing, changes everything.
Oh wow. I almost went back to sleep for the day. I almost forgot that I'm just about to schedule courses. I can do that in less than 2 hours! That's exciting. I really also need to sleep and stuff though too because I haven't been feeling well. It's sort of hard to describe, but my appetite has been weird. And I don't know if it's me just being such a hypochondriac, but I've sort of had a loss in appetite. If that's the best way to describe it. I mean, I'm hungry, my body's hungry, but my throat and mouth doesn't always want me to eat. I want to eat, but I can't. I cannot force my body to eat if it doesn't want to sometimes. There's just that feeling of incapableness, perhaps? The unwillingness to chew and chew and swallow food. I don't know. I'm glad I got to eat dinner though. This morning was pretty miserable in that it was brunch, and there was fairly good food - scrambled eggs, quiche, sausage links, scalloped potatoes - but once I talked to a friend for a moment, my body was just like: Nope. Guess you're not eating anymore. Drink a bit more water and you're done. Even if you're hungry. You are done. That was disappointing. Then, I got coffee with a friend and usually that helps, but I'm pretty sure it made me feel worse. Woozy. What a doozy. Then, I eventually got food at Barnes & Noble, half a sandwich and soup. I finished half of each, so it was more like 1/4 of a sandwich and 1/2 cup of soup, which is like nothing. That was fun. What a waste of money. My body likes to waste money! Lame! Anyways, luckily I had food from earlier - Chinese food that I had gotten with one of my friends Friday night. :) Yay. I didn't finish the food still, but it's good enough!
What now... Maybe before the advocacy project is due for my class, I'll have established a good portion of it. *hope*
Or something.
Wellp, I think I'm going to take a nap or something or maybe try to occupy another hour and a half before I can schedule courses...
Til Next Time!
Oh wow. I almost went back to sleep for the day. I almost forgot that I'm just about to schedule courses. I can do that in less than 2 hours! That's exciting. I really also need to sleep and stuff though too because I haven't been feeling well. It's sort of hard to describe, but my appetite has been weird. And I don't know if it's me just being such a hypochondriac, but I've sort of had a loss in appetite. If that's the best way to describe it. I mean, I'm hungry, my body's hungry, but my throat and mouth doesn't always want me to eat. I want to eat, but I can't. I cannot force my body to eat if it doesn't want to sometimes. There's just that feeling of incapableness, perhaps? The unwillingness to chew and chew and swallow food. I don't know. I'm glad I got to eat dinner though. This morning was pretty miserable in that it was brunch, and there was fairly good food - scrambled eggs, quiche, sausage links, scalloped potatoes - but once I talked to a friend for a moment, my body was just like: Nope. Guess you're not eating anymore. Drink a bit more water and you're done. Even if you're hungry. You are done. That was disappointing. Then, I got coffee with a friend and usually that helps, but I'm pretty sure it made me feel worse. Woozy. What a doozy. Then, I eventually got food at Barnes & Noble, half a sandwich and soup. I finished half of each, so it was more like 1/4 of a sandwich and 1/2 cup of soup, which is like nothing. That was fun. What a waste of money. My body likes to waste money! Lame! Anyways, luckily I had food from earlier - Chinese food that I had gotten with one of my friends Friday night. :) Yay. I didn't finish the food still, but it's good enough!
What now... Maybe before the advocacy project is due for my class, I'll have established a good portion of it. *hope*
Or something.
Wellp, I think I'm going to take a nap or something or maybe try to occupy another hour and a half before I can schedule courses...
Til Next Time!
New Ventures
So, I recently started a new blog, partly for myself and partly for a class assignment. I'm not sure how that would affect this blog, but I'm sure it would. I mean, with this blog, I can be completely open with, writing whatever I'd like, whatever's on my mind, in anonymity and in confidence. I should have that with the other blog, but there are just some things that probably aren't worth mentioning on that blog, and what I mean by that is the thoughts on things such as my vulgarity and the likes. That's not appropriate. Y'know. But, I am going to try and devote myself to the other blog. I may try to come back to this blog once in a while, or when I can, but lately, there's just been a block. I'm not sure why. I'm sorry for that. I suppose there's a lack of motivation that I had. Or the incapability to write what I'd like to write in the blog. It's hard to put words to paper when it already escapes your lips. Do you know that feeling? And also for the fact that I tend to just say whatever's on my mind, it doesn't help that I hardly remember what I write or what I say. I mean, I kind of remember things, but if you try to mention specifics or vaguities, I probably will not know what you're talking about.
So, I think Blogger, as well as WordPress are being updated or something, and I think that's weird. I'm not quite liking it! I don't know if that means I'm not open to change, but it's just that I tend not to know what to do in such situations. It's hard to adjust I guess. I suppose that means I'm "slow-to-warm-up"? Psychology! Yay! Haha, I guess.
Anyways, I hope things are well and things are normal. I hope things will elevate to better levels. Like, maybe I'll be inspired to write in this blog more. Maybe I'll become more social. Maybe positive things will happen. But I suppose we shall see. I hope this blog has been well and I'm not quite sure what else to write, so hopefully I can have proper farewells some other time (or not at all). Maybe this isn't even a farewell, but it sure feels like it. Don't take it as one. Don't accept it as one. We'll see each other again. Or rather, something like that.
Don't worry, be happy.
Until next time.
So, I think Blogger, as well as WordPress are being updated or something, and I think that's weird. I'm not quite liking it! I don't know if that means I'm not open to change, but it's just that I tend not to know what to do in such situations. It's hard to adjust I guess. I suppose that means I'm "slow-to-warm-up"? Psychology! Yay! Haha, I guess.
Anyways, I hope things are well and things are normal. I hope things will elevate to better levels. Like, maybe I'll be inspired to write in this blog more. Maybe I'll become more social. Maybe positive things will happen. But I suppose we shall see. I hope this blog has been well and I'm not quite sure what else to write, so hopefully I can have proper farewells some other time (or not at all). Maybe this isn't even a farewell, but it sure feels like it. Don't take it as one. Don't accept it as one. We'll see each other again. Or rather, something like that.
Don't worry, be happy.
Until next time.
Friday, April 5, 2013
What A Doozy
So today's a packed day. It's been quite a week, believe it or not.
If I recall correctly, I had a persuasive essay due at midnight on Monday. On Tuesday, I had a lab report due (both a physical copy and online). Not quite sure what happened every other day, besides children coming into one of my classes on Wednesday! They were cute. Then Thursday, open mic night and juggling and other things. And today, Friday! I have two exams. YESSSSSS. AWESOME. Not. No. Ugh, oh symbolic logic and developmental psychology. Let's hope I do well. BUT, besides that, there is the Arts Crawl later on in the day, which I'm excited for because art, music and all that good jazz.
As of now, I'm not sure what's in store for me for the weekend. I think I'm going to be having brunch with one of my friends as per usual on Saturday. Then with that same friend, I think we might be going to Barnes & Noble on Sunday. I think I might go to some other things with a different friend Saturday night. But I'm not sure if I'm going to be hanging out with any other friends.
Last night, I realized the "consequences" of me showing my blog off to people because I happen to mention some weird things, but at the same time, should I care. I noticed, or rather it was brought to my attention that one of my friends and I tend to talk to each other in stream of consciousness. Another friend of mine sort of brought to my attention that technically my blog is basically stream of consciousness, so when I use italics and parentheses or both, it might be more of a stream of consciousness - inceptional thoughts? But I know that they're more of a commentary on things rather than a thought within a thought.... Or maybe that's exactly what it is. Oh well, I don't know.
Oh. Right. I guess there aren't indents in this. (I was trying to indent for the past couple minutes, freaking out that I almost deleted this post and all that hard work gone down the drain, or maybe that my internet was acting up - How frazzling). But, what I was trying to bring up was the song that I've recently come to like a lot more, Greg Laswell's Comes and Goes (In Waves).
Oh! Something that's exciting that's coming up is my birthday! Also, the juggling festival that is during my birthday, or rather ends on my birthday. And then the magic show that I hopefully get to see. And then hopefully the friends I get to hang out with on my birthday. How exciting.
Something that's sad is how school is ending. All the people I met! All the people who are graduating! All the people who are my friend that might not consider us friends! I don't know... :(
But that leads back to an exciting thing of me going back home. Also, random thought, but I also get to schedule for courses soon, not that that has anything to do with what I was talking about besides things coming up. Well, I suppose I should start getting ready to take one of those exams now.
Wish me luck!
I shall be back shortly! (Depending on how quickly you check back in or something of that nature - or maybe, just consider a week a short time compared to like.... 5 seconds - just in case).
If I recall correctly, I had a persuasive essay due at midnight on Monday. On Tuesday, I had a lab report due (both a physical copy and online). Not quite sure what happened every other day, besides children coming into one of my classes on Wednesday! They were cute. Then Thursday, open mic night and juggling and other things. And today, Friday! I have two exams. YESSSSSS. AWESOME. Not. No. Ugh, oh symbolic logic and developmental psychology. Let's hope I do well. BUT, besides that, there is the Arts Crawl later on in the day, which I'm excited for because art, music and all that good jazz.
As of now, I'm not sure what's in store for me for the weekend. I think I'm going to be having brunch with one of my friends as per usual on Saturday. Then with that same friend, I think we might be going to Barnes & Noble on Sunday. I think I might go to some other things with a different friend Saturday night. But I'm not sure if I'm going to be hanging out with any other friends.
Last night, I realized the "consequences" of me showing my blog off to people because I happen to mention some weird things, but at the same time, should I care. I noticed, or rather it was brought to my attention that one of my friends and I tend to talk to each other in stream of consciousness. Another friend of mine sort of brought to my attention that technically my blog is basically stream of consciousness, so when I use italics and parentheses or both, it might be more of a stream of consciousness - inceptional thoughts? But I know that they're more of a commentary on things rather than a thought within a thought.... Or maybe that's exactly what it is. Oh well, I don't know.
Oh. Right. I guess there aren't indents in this. (I was trying to indent for the past couple minutes, freaking out that I almost deleted this post and all that hard work gone down the drain, or maybe that my internet was acting up - How frazzling). But, what I was trying to bring up was the song that I've recently come to like a lot more, Greg Laswell's Comes and Goes (In Waves).
Oh! Something that's exciting that's coming up is my birthday! Also, the juggling festival that is during my birthday, or rather ends on my birthday. And then the magic show that I hopefully get to see. And then hopefully the friends I get to hang out with on my birthday. How exciting.
Something that's sad is how school is ending. All the people I met! All the people who are graduating! All the people who are my friend that might not consider us friends! I don't know... :(
But that leads back to an exciting thing of me going back home. Also, random thought, but I also get to schedule for courses soon, not that that has anything to do with what I was talking about besides things coming up. Well, I suppose I should start getting ready to take one of those exams now.
Wish me luck!
I shall be back shortly! (Depending on how quickly you check back in or something of that nature - or maybe, just consider a week a short time compared to like.... 5 seconds - just in case).
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