What have we all been waiting for? The new snow that is supposed to be coming with all of its slushiness and water, snowflakes and ice. Well, that happened... and it escalated quickly. The school decided to have "delays" due to the "inclement weather," but hey, that makes us all happy right? I got to sleep in late, and two of my classes got cancelled for the day. An exam got pushed back, and this gives me more time to study :D Yay! Also, this is exciting because the snow was just about to disappear and I wanted it to be snowy again because it's nice. I mean, it's cold, but still. And, there was just random piles of leftover snow for a while and it was starting to get annoying because it's lying to me (dramatic).
So, I've been writing a bit more :) Yay! I suppose I just have no one to talk to really. But that's okay. But that's not the only reason to write. A lot of things happen. I've been feeling a bit down from time to time. I'm not really sure what to do. I'm figuring out which friends would accept me for who I am or might become, and if I would have to keep things from certain friends because I know they don't approve of some things.
Just the other day, I talked to one of my friends about "ideal man preferences" and what I like to call "ideally not preferences" or "ideal prefer nots." I'm thinking of writing them down sometime, but I also want to clarify that I'm not trying to justify these as my standards, but rather just things that would be nice. I admit that I'm picky, but I'm also lenient and willing to give people chances. These preferences are not set in stone, so even if I say, for example, "I prefer a guy that is around my height (like around 6 in. taller max, and 3 in. shorter min.)." I don't mean they HAVE TO be in those height restrictions, but I'm just thinking that if he's too tall or too short, it might be awkward. But, the heart wants what the heart wants sometimes, so I have no idea how tall guys are going to be. So, more on this sort of stuff later, maybe. (I don't want to get people's hopes up, or bring them down, so I might not officialize it or anything).
Today, I think I'm going to share some songs that I think represent how I feel, like by most of the lyrics and whatnot. They kind of go together and I like them too, although they make me kind of sad. The first I would like to share is Lost in my Mind by The Head and The Heart. Pretty much, I'm feeling "lost in my mind" because I tend to wander off in thought... I think too much. Another song I want to share is Heartilation by Andrew Jackson Jihad. "If you think you're better than me, you're right. There's no one to love, there's no one to trust in my life." "Sometimes I get so lonesome I can't breathe, sometimes I get so scared that I can't speak. Sometimes I get so worried I can't hear my heart beat anyway." "I wanna tear out my heart and give it away to a person more deserving one day. If all I see, is the worst in everything, that's all I'm going to get." - All of these lyrics in the song, I feel as though I can relate to. The last song I wanted to share is Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. "Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you." "No you don't know what it's like, to be like me. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down and feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, and there's no one there to save you." I kind of feel like that too. I don't really think I have many friends, although I call people friends. I've been starting to think that I would be one of those people who are never invited to weddings unless it's in my family because I don't have any close friends, if friends at all. I don't think I make an impression, and maybe it seems like I have a lot of friends, so people aren't worried, but I don't really have friends at all. I feel like it's easy to meet people and all, but it's hard for me to form real friendships that have the sharing of secrets and the trust and all... And this all sounds pretty depressing, but I hope it'd change eventually. There are people I talk to from time to time, so I'm hoping to bear through it all.
Uh, anyway... Classes are alright. I already feel like I'm slightly falling behind though. I need to step my game up and study. I feel bad, but I'm getting slightly irritated at my roommate and her friend(s) because it's hard for me to concentrate in my dorm room then. And I also don't know where else to study. I'm liking my classes so far, with the exception of some professors that have little things that annoy me a bit, but the courses themselves are good.
Not quite sure what much else has happened... So maybe until next time! (And anyways, I gotta go eat lunch now while I can!)
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Troubling Times
Oooh. Troubling Times.... but not really. Maybe. Anyways, right now I'm just waiting for one of my other classes to start. I still have about an hour. Too much time, eh? Well, actually, I was planning on having breakfast, but my roommate is still asleep, so I decided to just have a snack (Cheesecake Brownie from Starbucks) and a drink (Venti White Mocha with caramel drizzle, kid's temperature, and vanilla syrup). I also decided to just write in this here blog, which I believe is the first time for this new semester (not the New Year! - since I think I wrote here sometime around New Year's).
Let's see... What's been up? Well, I'm liking my classes more or less. I've got Statistics, Developmental Psychology, Chemistry, Symbolic Logic (math-ish! FUN! I love math :D ), and.... Rhetoric! (the ellipses were purely because I had to think in that time since I knew I had about one more class). I realized that I feel a bit uncomfortable that some people I met last semester are in some of my classes (don't get me wrong, it's nice to talk to them, but..) because I realized that it makes it harder for me to meet new people. When I find out that people I know are in my class, and especially if I sit next to them, I'm taking the time away from meeting new people and I also feel weird meeting new people. This is different from last semester since I didn't know anyone in the beginning and I didn't have to worry about this problem. Well, I'm sure it'll be fine and anyway, there's my New Year's Resolution of meeting so many people, so there! I have already met at least 10 people, so yay!
What else.... Troubling Times? I woke up at 3 in the morning to have a bloody nose the other day (meaning yesterday). Why? Not quite sure. I didn't plan it, but it just happened. That was a bit of a scare because it seemed like more blood than usual (not to gross anyone out). So yeah, that was a fun time... Waking up in the middle of the night to get a bloody nose to go back to sleep to wake up early. I also realized that I tend to stress myself out by thinking too much (wait, I knew that already), but it's become even more apparent in recent times. I start thinking about things that aren't as big a deal right now, but still... Like, taking out loans... I'm not sure how that'll all work out... Also, how my classes are going to go... Also, recently, I've becoming more and more irritated at people in general, and I feel bad about that. I'm sure most of it is my fault, but it kind of is also the people's faults. Why are people so annoying? And/Or dumb? And whatnot. (A friend of mine pointed out that I say "whatnot" a lot - whatever! It's better than saying "and stuff" a lot, isn't it?). People make me stressed out... I make myself stressed out. I think I'm becoming more and more claustrophobic. I noticed that I like talking about myself a lot (but by noticing that, it makes me really annoyed at myself and I just want to punch myself in the face). I might develop panic attacks, or at least I feel like I have a hard time breathing when I think about a lot of things like this, or maybe I just hold my breath because... just because. A lot of things happen and they happen quickly. I want things to happen quickly, but then they end up happening slowly.
Wow, life is a bit much for me. Thinking, thinking. I want to do so many things, but instead, I'm on the internet, not doing much, procrastinating. I want to stop procrastinating, or at least procrastinating less. *sigh* I tend to blame other people. I blame other things, but I also blame myself. I want to travel. I want to study abroad (maybe grad. school in England!). I want to experience things. I want to earn money. I want to design my own house. I want to make my own clothes (since I'm picky about things). I want to eat all these different foods (in time, not exactly like a fatty). I want to go back home for a bit. I want to get over my ex-boyfriend (I feel like I'm over him, but maybe I just really hate him). I want to have a boyfriend. I want to have meaning in life. I want to be someone who can be considered successful (especially in my own eyes). I want to achieve great things. I want. I want. I want.
I know that if I want something I should just do it, or whatever, but that's hard to do in such little time. I think that time moves so slowly and I'm sure I could do more than half of those things, but I want them to happen now. Or if people say to just do it anyway, they don't understand that these things happen with time. There's so much pressure. Ahhhh.
Anyways, until next time!
Let's see... What's been up? Well, I'm liking my classes more or less. I've got Statistics, Developmental Psychology, Chemistry, Symbolic Logic (math-ish! FUN! I love math :D ), and.... Rhetoric! (the ellipses were purely because I had to think in that time since I knew I had about one more class). I realized that I feel a bit uncomfortable that some people I met last semester are in some of my classes (don't get me wrong, it's nice to talk to them, but..) because I realized that it makes it harder for me to meet new people. When I find out that people I know are in my class, and especially if I sit next to them, I'm taking the time away from meeting new people and I also feel weird meeting new people. This is different from last semester since I didn't know anyone in the beginning and I didn't have to worry about this problem. Well, I'm sure it'll be fine and anyway, there's my New Year's Resolution of meeting so many people, so there! I have already met at least 10 people, so yay!
What else.... Troubling Times? I woke up at 3 in the morning to have a bloody nose the other day (meaning yesterday). Why? Not quite sure. I didn't plan it, but it just happened. That was a bit of a scare because it seemed like more blood than usual (not to gross anyone out). So yeah, that was a fun time... Waking up in the middle of the night to get a bloody nose to go back to sleep to wake up early. I also realized that I tend to stress myself out by thinking too much (wait, I knew that already), but it's become even more apparent in recent times. I start thinking about things that aren't as big a deal right now, but still... Like, taking out loans... I'm not sure how that'll all work out... Also, how my classes are going to go... Also, recently, I've becoming more and more irritated at people in general, and I feel bad about that. I'm sure most of it is my fault, but it kind of is also the people's faults. Why are people so annoying? And/Or dumb? And whatnot. (A friend of mine pointed out that I say "whatnot" a lot - whatever! It's better than saying "and stuff" a lot, isn't it?). People make me stressed out... I make myself stressed out. I think I'm becoming more and more claustrophobic. I noticed that I like talking about myself a lot (but by noticing that, it makes me really annoyed at myself and I just want to punch myself in the face). I might develop panic attacks, or at least I feel like I have a hard time breathing when I think about a lot of things like this, or maybe I just hold my breath because... just because. A lot of things happen and they happen quickly. I want things to happen quickly, but then they end up happening slowly.
Wow, life is a bit much for me. Thinking, thinking. I want to do so many things, but instead, I'm on the internet, not doing much, procrastinating. I want to stop procrastinating, or at least procrastinating less. *sigh* I tend to blame other people. I blame other things, but I also blame myself. I want to travel. I want to study abroad (maybe grad. school in England!). I want to experience things. I want to earn money. I want to design my own house. I want to make my own clothes (since I'm picky about things). I want to eat all these different foods (in time, not exactly like a fatty). I want to go back home for a bit. I want to get over my ex-boyfriend (I feel like I'm over him, but maybe I just really hate him). I want to have a boyfriend. I want to have meaning in life. I want to be someone who can be considered successful (especially in my own eyes). I want to achieve great things. I want. I want. I want.
I know that if I want something I should just do it, or whatever, but that's hard to do in such little time. I think that time moves so slowly and I'm sure I could do more than half of those things, but I want them to happen now. Or if people say to just do it anyway, they don't understand that these things happen with time. There's so much pressure. Ahhhh.
Anyways, until next time!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
(Re)Starting Stories
So, it's a new year :) That means, new experiences, fresh start, the continuation to living life, etc. I hope everyone's 2012 year have been fairly good/great, filled with ups and downs (just as one's year usually is, not that I'm hoping there've been downs), but ending with a boom and a bang (of positivity).
Now, if any of that made sense, then awesome. I'm not sure how many people make resolutions, but I know I do. I think I've been making resolutions for the past... maybe 3-4 years now. I've been keeping track of them in a draft on my email, but hey, whatever works, right? I'll share my resolutions in hopes to inspire or maybe just to get it out there (and have people roll their eyes - you'll see what I mean):
1) Earn at least a 3.2 cumulative gpa (so, I have the spring semester, summer, and following fall semester).
2) Meet a new person everyday, or at least 365 people - preferably at least one person a day (more or less) - I actually changed this by adding the second part (at least 365 people) because I wasn't sure how I would meet someone on New Year's considering nothing is really open and there isn't much to do especially since most people are likely to be staying in-doors (you might know why).
3) Receive flowers and/or chocolates by (a) guy/s - preferably on Valentine's Day (I know, how typically girly of me, but what can I say? I think it'd be a cute gesture)
4) Read at least 10 books (this seems easy, but I've been having some trouble reading, and don't get me wrong, I love books, but I'm starting small - I have a tendency to make goals of reading certain amounts of movies, books, and shows, and they get all mixed up)
5) Be able to juggle at least five of something (I think it's doable by the end of the year; as of now, I can ideally juggle four things, but I still need to practice at it)
6) Attend a music festival, if not that, then maybe just a festival of sorts (When I say music festival, I'm thinking Lollapalooza or Sasquatch, but I feel like that's not likely at all, at least in this year, so as a last resort any festival will work - maybe like a juggling festival)
7) Save up $2000 somehow (I'm sure the somehow sounds a bit weird, but I just feel like I should try to save money instead of spend it all the time... I think it's doable... maybe get a new job... eventually)
8) Lose 15 pounds (by that, I mean 15 pounds off of what I weigh about now, which I don't exactly know, but I'll just guess and subtract 15 from that and by the end of the year hopefully get to the latter number)
9) Get kissed on New Year's for the following year (2014)
10) I don't really have a #10, but I'm keeping it up as a reminder that I can add something and keep an open-mind for new goals or what-have-you
I realize that a lot of these are actually more like goals, and truthfully, that's how I see New Year's Resolutions. I know that they're usually something people keep for the whole year, or at least try to, like, "No drinking soda" - and that means to not drink soda for as long as they could, but mine aren't like that really. They're more just for my own motivations through the year, to look back on and attempt to complete them. Also, you may have noticed that I use "at least" in some of them, which doesn't mean much for the number then, but it helps me to have at least a number goal, so I can strive for something, then decide whether I want to go further or not.
Enough about the new year for now - I'm going to talk about what's been up since I last posted. So, if I remember correctly, I last posted before Christmas at my friend's house. Well, I'm now at her apartment, Christmas was pretty good, more or less. There was a bit of drama that happened, but overall, things were good. The food was good, the presents were nice. I now know that candles are perfect gifts to get anyone, since everyone gave out candles. My friend and I headed back a bit early because of the storm that was coming. Then my friend went off to see some of her other friends in a different city/town, and I was just chilling in one of her closets. I was sick, for a while, still might be, but fret not! It isn't that bad. Just standard cold - with the runny nose and the coughing. I spend the past couple days or so mostly working on summer school things, such as review and whatnot, while I can. I also spent them at cafes, getting lattes and quiche. I cannot express how much I love quiche. But anyway, I also spent New Year's Eve in downtown because the town apparently has this "first night" event where there are ice sculptures and shows/performances. I went to see two different juggling acts, which was fun and entertaining. One of the juggling acts is a "one man variety" act, who just happens to have been the past president of my school's juggling club. How exciting. I got to meet him and talk to him for a while which was cool. Then for New Year's, I went to go pick up my friend at the bus stop. It was a bit scary and cold, having to walk there myself (plus there was news earlier in the year of an attack/er on that road), but as you can see, I am still alive! Yay!
And that brings us to now pretty much. I'm writing in this here blog. Well, I suppose I'll say that I'm excited for the new year, and excited to see how it will turn out. I'm excited for school to start back up and to meet all those new people. All in all, I'm just hoping for a positive year and starting off with a positive mindset (more or less). I hope everyone has a great New Year!
-Until Next Time
Now, if any of that made sense, then awesome. I'm not sure how many people make resolutions, but I know I do. I think I've been making resolutions for the past... maybe 3-4 years now. I've been keeping track of them in a draft on my email, but hey, whatever works, right? I'll share my resolutions in hopes to inspire or maybe just to get it out there (and have people roll their eyes - you'll see what I mean):
1) Earn at least a 3.2 cumulative gpa (so, I have the spring semester, summer, and following fall semester).
2) Meet a new person everyday, or at least 365 people - preferably at least one person a day (more or less) - I actually changed this by adding the second part (at least 365 people) because I wasn't sure how I would meet someone on New Year's considering nothing is really open and there isn't much to do especially since most people are likely to be staying in-doors (you might know why).
3) Receive flowers and/or chocolates by (a) guy/s - preferably on Valentine's Day (I know, how typically girly of me, but what can I say? I think it'd be a cute gesture)
4) Read at least 10 books (this seems easy, but I've been having some trouble reading, and don't get me wrong, I love books, but I'm starting small - I have a tendency to make goals of reading certain amounts of movies, books, and shows, and they get all mixed up)
5) Be able to juggle at least five of something (I think it's doable by the end of the year; as of now, I can ideally juggle four things, but I still need to practice at it)
6) Attend a music festival, if not that, then maybe just a festival of sorts (When I say music festival, I'm thinking Lollapalooza or Sasquatch, but I feel like that's not likely at all, at least in this year, so as a last resort any festival will work - maybe like a juggling festival)
7) Save up $2000 somehow (I'm sure the somehow sounds a bit weird, but I just feel like I should try to save money instead of spend it all the time... I think it's doable... maybe get a new job... eventually)
8) Lose 15 pounds (by that, I mean 15 pounds off of what I weigh about now, which I don't exactly know, but I'll just guess and subtract 15 from that and by the end of the year hopefully get to the latter number)
9) Get kissed on New Year's for the following year (2014)
10) I don't really have a #10, but I'm keeping it up as a reminder that I can add something and keep an open-mind for new goals or what-have-you
I realize that a lot of these are actually more like goals, and truthfully, that's how I see New Year's Resolutions. I know that they're usually something people keep for the whole year, or at least try to, like, "No drinking soda" - and that means to not drink soda for as long as they could, but mine aren't like that really. They're more just for my own motivations through the year, to look back on and attempt to complete them. Also, you may have noticed that I use "at least" in some of them, which doesn't mean much for the number then, but it helps me to have at least a number goal, so I can strive for something, then decide whether I want to go further or not.
Enough about the new year for now - I'm going to talk about what's been up since I last posted. So, if I remember correctly, I last posted before Christmas at my friend's house. Well, I'm now at her apartment, Christmas was pretty good, more or less. There was a bit of drama that happened, but overall, things were good. The food was good, the presents were nice. I now know that candles are perfect gifts to get anyone, since everyone gave out candles. My friend and I headed back a bit early because of the storm that was coming. Then my friend went off to see some of her other friends in a different city/town, and I was just chilling in one of her closets. I was sick, for a while, still might be, but fret not! It isn't that bad. Just standard cold - with the runny nose and the coughing. I spend the past couple days or so mostly working on summer school things, such as review and whatnot, while I can. I also spent them at cafes, getting lattes and quiche. I cannot express how much I love quiche. But anyway, I also spent New Year's Eve in downtown because the town apparently has this "first night" event where there are ice sculptures and shows/performances. I went to see two different juggling acts, which was fun and entertaining. One of the juggling acts is a "one man variety" act, who just happens to have been the past president of my school's juggling club. How exciting. I got to meet him and talk to him for a while which was cool. Then for New Year's, I went to go pick up my friend at the bus stop. It was a bit scary and cold, having to walk there myself (plus there was news earlier in the year of an attack/er on that road), but as you can see, I am still alive! Yay!
And that brings us to now pretty much. I'm writing in this here blog. Well, I suppose I'll say that I'm excited for the new year, and excited to see how it will turn out. I'm excited for school to start back up and to meet all those new people. All in all, I'm just hoping for a positive year and starting off with a positive mindset (more or less). I hope everyone has a great New Year!
-Until Next Time
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Crazy Christmas
Hey-o. So it's been a while since the last post (maybe not as long as other posts though. Just maybe.). It's almost the holidays! How exciting! Well, a lot of things has happened since the last time. Things have been a bit much and whatnot. Apparently, also, I say "whatnot" a lot, which I'm not denying, but what other ways are there to say whatever else? Or ... maybe stuff. But either way, I think "whatnot" is better than "stuff" or they're about the same.
Anyways, it's winter break and I'm spending it with a different friend this time. :) How exciting. I get to view the views and see the places and explore. I'm still in Pennsylvania in this break, but I'm still having a bunch of fun. So close to New York, New York, but at the same time, not. Anyways, this friend of mine has a fun family, which is nice. I'm fitting right in! Maybe.... Actually, they just seem fairly accepting (Whew... I almost said exciting, which wasn't the word I was looking for).
What else has happened... Well, the semester has ended, and I feel like I haven't done the best. I wish I could have changed that, but I had a lack of motivation (for lack of a better word, right?). Also, I got fired from my job. Yippee.. Not. The reason(s) was/were stupid, but it's really whatever now. I wasn't that happy as of lately working there anyway, and the new people coming in weren't exactly my cup of tea. I could come up with a bunch of other excuses, but let's just say it was for the better. A good three months, first job, working and whatnot (there I go again with the whatnot). Anyway, I could start searching for a new job, starting fresh, or maybe just focus on my school work (which is really the important thing that I should be doing). But then again, I feel bad for the loans that are piling up on my family. They only mention it once in a while, but it seems like they're struggling a bit, and I'm just here, doing whatever I want... I'm not even planning to go back home until the summer. I almost considered just dropping out of school and heading back home, but not really home towards the end of the semester though. That was freaky... scary. Things just have been much for me.
Too many thoughts... I like to money and I like to do things that I want to do without no regards to other people. I tend to think too much, like when the semester was starting to end, I got sad because of all the people I probably won't see ever again. Is that bad of me? I like to meet people, I like to be around people, but at the same time, I don't quite like people. I'm apparently complicated or something... I feel like a misanthrope, but at the same time, I don't like being alone. I like the attention... a lot, and that's bad of me. I think of how I'm a horrible person, but at the same time, I'm a good, nice person. Which one is it? Being in psychology for the first semester, I'm thinking that maybe I have conflicted thoughts and that probably isn't helping my situation. (It shows how I'm such a good student that I can't even remember the terminology).
I also plan to re-take some classes over the summer, which is a waste of money, I get that... But I'm trying to try. I'm trying to be a good student, a good daughter, a good person. It might mean that I would only be home for a month or so, but maybe it's worth it. I'm sure my family misses me, and they might be in a financial situation, but I should finish school. I can't give up now. I should try to better myself. I am going to better myself. One little step at a time.
If you hadn't noticed, I'm so scatter-brained. I'm sure this post had its twists and turns, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Hopefully things will get better. I'm planning on having some better New Year's Resolutions and hopefully get through those. (Preview: Meet a certain amount of people in my residence hall; Receive chocolates and/or flowers from a guy - preferably on Valentine's Day; Get a 3.0 GPA for the spring semester).
Anyways, it's winter break and I'm spending it with a different friend this time. :) How exciting. I get to view the views and see the places and explore. I'm still in Pennsylvania in this break, but I'm still having a bunch of fun. So close to New York, New York, but at the same time, not. Anyways, this friend of mine has a fun family, which is nice. I'm fitting right in! Maybe.... Actually, they just seem fairly accepting (Whew... I almost said exciting, which wasn't the word I was looking for).
What else has happened... Well, the semester has ended, and I feel like I haven't done the best. I wish I could have changed that, but I had a lack of motivation (for lack of a better word, right?). Also, I got fired from my job. Yippee.. Not. The reason(s) was/were stupid, but it's really whatever now. I wasn't that happy as of lately working there anyway, and the new people coming in weren't exactly my cup of tea. I could come up with a bunch of other excuses, but let's just say it was for the better. A good three months, first job, working and whatnot (there I go again with the whatnot). Anyway, I could start searching for a new job, starting fresh, or maybe just focus on my school work (which is really the important thing that I should be doing). But then again, I feel bad for the loans that are piling up on my family. They only mention it once in a while, but it seems like they're struggling a bit, and I'm just here, doing whatever I want... I'm not even planning to go back home until the summer. I almost considered just dropping out of school and heading back home, but not really home towards the end of the semester though. That was freaky... scary. Things just have been much for me.
Too many thoughts... I like to money and I like to do things that I want to do without no regards to other people. I tend to think too much, like when the semester was starting to end, I got sad because of all the people I probably won't see ever again. Is that bad of me? I like to meet people, I like to be around people, but at the same time, I don't quite like people. I'm apparently complicated or something... I feel like a misanthrope, but at the same time, I don't like being alone. I like the attention... a lot, and that's bad of me. I think of how I'm a horrible person, but at the same time, I'm a good, nice person. Which one is it? Being in psychology for the first semester, I'm thinking that maybe I have conflicted thoughts and that probably isn't helping my situation. (It shows how I'm such a good student that I can't even remember the terminology).
I also plan to re-take some classes over the summer, which is a waste of money, I get that... But I'm trying to try. I'm trying to be a good student, a good daughter, a good person. It might mean that I would only be home for a month or so, but maybe it's worth it. I'm sure my family misses me, and they might be in a financial situation, but I should finish school. I can't give up now. I should try to better myself. I am going to better myself. One little step at a time.
If you hadn't noticed, I'm so scatter-brained. I'm sure this post had its twists and turns, but that's how I'm feeling right now. Hopefully things will get better. I'm planning on having some better New Year's Resolutions and hopefully get through those. (Preview: Meet a certain amount of people in my residence hall; Receive chocolates and/or flowers from a guy - preferably on Valentine's Day; Get a 3.0 GPA for the spring semester).
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Frazzling Finals
So, yet again, I haven't written for a while. It seems like it's been ages. It's been almost a month now. Wow. I apologize. I always feel so rushed with life, so busy with school shenanigans and whatnot. Anyways, what's been up, how's it been hanging? For myself, as the title of this post says, finals are coming up (probably for everyone who's anyone in school though, unless you're doing something otherwise - as in student teacher or other assignments such as finals project or whatnot-whatever they're calling it nowadays).
In reality, I'm a horrible, horrible student. I cannot for the life of me really prioritize things, especially in school. I feel as if I cannot deny a request to hang out, so I go out and hang out anyway. Unless it's something like work. Because I love working. Period. I love working at Starbucks and I find it the best!
OH! Something that happened recently was that Frank Warren from Post Secret came to my school and had a live event. It was amazing! I was super excited, especially because I got to juggle too (because there was club that day - and by "I got to juggle" I mean with my juggling peoples). After the Post Secret event, I bought myself a book and had Frank sign it. I asked him to just sign and date it and he asked with what date. So in response, I was just awkwardly saying, "...Today's date?" So he then proceeded to put the next day's date, in which I awkwardly stared at him and told him that it wasn't the right date. Then, he gave me two stamps since he got the date wrong. After that, he asked if I could juggle the clubs that I had (at this point, I could barely juggle them, if you call it juggling). I asked him if he could juggle clubs since he had seemed interested in them, and then he juggled my clubs. Now, I was just amazed (and in disbelief because he said he had juggling balls, but juggled the clubs better than I could juggle them - and I've been practicing). I was so amazed and in disbelief that I forgot to ask if I could record him doing that and to ask him to sign them - just because. You know, just because.
Some other things that happened was just meeting some people, being annoyed at people, being annoyed at people more, hanging out with some people and working and whatnot. Something that happened: I was going to ask for someone's number (in my class) since I'd never be seeing them again (at least in that class, since it was our last official class), but one of my "friends" was rushing me to leave, and so I didn't get to ask (especially because I felt awkward - with the rushing "friend" and all), and that made me all annoyed and sad. Later on, I went to one of my other friends' office hours (just because that's what I do), and met this one guy who was fun to talk to. Apparently (very apparently), I was no help to myself about being a "hipster" because what I tried to explain what I thought was a hipster fit for myself as well. And I was not proving my point about not being a hipster. Because I'm not. Really. (And I'm not just saying this because I "know" I'm a hipster and by not admitting to being a hipster makes me a hipster - type thing). I seriously don't want to be a hipster and don't believe I am a hipster. Whatever that is. So overall, that day was like... bad. Because I thought of how I wouldn't see that guy again either. Man, not seeing people. The end of the semester. I WON'T SEE THESE PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. <- me being dramatic, although it is probably mostly true being as most of the people I am talking about are either juniors or seniors who randomly took the same course(s) or are in the same place(s) due to the circumstances given for this semester - i.e., elective course, friend's office hours for the semester, etc.
So, what what what else... Oh, I am going to be spending Christmas with another one of my friends. Hopefully all of the break goes well. I am hoping to do better for the next semester. Maybe hopefully write more or something. But maybe writing about once a month is good, because then there are more things to write about compared to a day-to-day thing. Also, New Year's Resolutions! Yay! Or something... Anyway, until next time!
In reality, I'm a horrible, horrible student. I cannot for the life of me really prioritize things, especially in school. I feel as if I cannot deny a request to hang out, so I go out and hang out anyway. Unless it's something like work. Because I love working. Period. I love working at Starbucks and I find it the best!
OH! Something that happened recently was that Frank Warren from Post Secret came to my school and had a live event. It was amazing! I was super excited, especially because I got to juggle too (because there was club that day - and by "I got to juggle" I mean with my juggling peoples). After the Post Secret event, I bought myself a book and had Frank sign it. I asked him to just sign and date it and he asked with what date. So in response, I was just awkwardly saying, "...Today's date?" So he then proceeded to put the next day's date, in which I awkwardly stared at him and told him that it wasn't the right date. Then, he gave me two stamps since he got the date wrong. After that, he asked if I could juggle the clubs that I had (at this point, I could barely juggle them, if you call it juggling). I asked him if he could juggle clubs since he had seemed interested in them, and then he juggled my clubs. Now, I was just amazed (and in disbelief because he said he had juggling balls, but juggled the clubs better than I could juggle them - and I've been practicing). I was so amazed and in disbelief that I forgot to ask if I could record him doing that and to ask him to sign them - just because. You know, just because.
Some other things that happened was just meeting some people, being annoyed at people, being annoyed at people more, hanging out with some people and working and whatnot. Something that happened: I was going to ask for someone's number (in my class) since I'd never be seeing them again (at least in that class, since it was our last official class), but one of my "friends" was rushing me to leave, and so I didn't get to ask (especially because I felt awkward - with the rushing "friend" and all), and that made me all annoyed and sad. Later on, I went to one of my other friends' office hours (just because that's what I do), and met this one guy who was fun to talk to. Apparently (very apparently), I was no help to myself about being a "hipster" because what I tried to explain what I thought was a hipster fit for myself as well. And I was not proving my point about not being a hipster. Because I'm not. Really. (And I'm not just saying this because I "know" I'm a hipster and by not admitting to being a hipster makes me a hipster - type thing). I seriously don't want to be a hipster and don't believe I am a hipster. Whatever that is. So overall, that day was like... bad. Because I thought of how I wouldn't see that guy again either. Man, not seeing people. The end of the semester. I WON'T SEE THESE PEOPLE EVER AGAIN. <- me being dramatic, although it is probably mostly true being as most of the people I am talking about are either juniors or seniors who randomly took the same course(s) or are in the same place(s) due to the circumstances given for this semester - i.e., elective course, friend's office hours for the semester, etc.
So, what what what else... Oh, I am going to be spending Christmas with another one of my friends. Hopefully all of the break goes well. I am hoping to do better for the next semester. Maybe hopefully write more or something. But maybe writing about once a month is good, because then there are more things to write about compared to a day-to-day thing. Also, New Year's Resolutions! Yay! Or something... Anyway, until next time!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Juggling Junkie
So, another month has almost passed, and I've yet to write another blog post until now. I'm currently waiting at a Greyhound bus station in the late of night. I just got into the city after having been at a juggling festival. My first one ever. It was a SUPER GREAT time. I LOVED it. :) If I hadn't said so in previous posts, I took up juggling this semester and have now been juggling for about three months. It's been a blast, and I'm so glad I got the chance to go to this festival. I got to spend time with some fellow juggling members from my school, as well as meet a bunch of awesome people. The jugglers were/are amazing and super nice. It makes me glad to be a juggler and excited/inspired to learn more juggling tricks. I admire jugglers and now wish to go to future juggling events. I shall strive to be my best in juggling and learn new tricks and what-have-you. I'm not really a "juggling junkie" yet, but I really hope to be. I would like to have my own equipment (aside from the three clubs I purchased before - I still need to practice/learn to juggle those) and just be awesome. Juggling is my newest hobby and might I say, the best choice for me.
So, the Greyhound bus that I'm scheduled for doesn't come for another 3 hours or so (more like 4), but hey, I've got this blog to write to, and it can be a good time to be productive. I'm going to be on my way to one of my friend's house (from school), who was nice enough to invite me to her home for Thanksgiving (as it is Thanksgiving break now). I'm super excited to see new places and be on these adventures. They're super fun. -- And this is random, but I just gave a guy $1 (he asked me and I gave him one), since he asked. Random act of kindness for the time being?
Anyways, I'm hoping I get caught up in school because in all seriousness, I'm drowning. I don't exactly show people, but I'm beginning to get slightly worried. Or, at least, I'm slightly worried that I'm not worried enough. I should be doing better in school because the money is coming out of my parents' pockets for now, and they don't really deserve that. (turning to a more depressing tone - because I'm super tired at that too and I get weird when I'm tired).
I feel kind of bad because I don't really talk to my parents or family or anyone really. I'm not exactly sure if I miss them or not. I have no urge/need to talk to them really, and there's such a distance. I'm not sure what to say to them anymore. I feel bad that I don't feel bad, but I'm not sure what to think. Also, I recently received letters from some cousins on my mom's side (who are super Christian by the way), and one was a bit of a mood-lifter, while the other was just like: what did I just read? The latter discussed how I like my school, but I should drop out and go to community college anyway... What?
Anyways from that, I don't really know what I'm doing. I take my days one by one, but also plan it, and yet, I still don't know what I'm doing with it. I act like I know what I'm doing, or maybe, more rather, I sound like I know what I'm doing because I have this "plan" but I really don't know what I'm doing. I suppose everyone has those moments: What am I doing with my life? --- It's really scary. It's really depressing. It's like.. meh.
This also makes me think of how I've been thinking of how people might not like me. I'm always paranoid of how people probably don't like me, but act like they do. Like, there's this one person in my school's juggling club, who I'm almost absolutely positive must hate me. They never really talk to me (they talk to other people though), and they are just a bit intimidating and seem irritated at me. WHAT DID I DO TO THEM? WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THEY HATE ME? *sigh* Whatever I guess. It might just be me. Call me crazy.
Let's see... What have I to do with my schooling? I need to finish that one loan for the next semester (oh, right). I also need to just get my @#$(! together, y'know (well, you probably don't know, but you can just agree - oh yeah, I do). Get it together, bro.
Anyways, anyways, anyways. So, my luggage/suitcase handle doesn't work, which sucks because I'm pulling it with a rope and I'm pretty sure I have bruises on the back of my legs now because you can only imagine how it looks like to pull a heavy suitcase with rope (it nearly rolls horizontally), and the distance (because of the rope probably) isn't that far - which doesn't help. What else?! I hope I get some productivity? Probably said that already. Not really sure what to say now. Not sure what has happened in this past month. Major test failures and whatnot. Meeting some new people. Me being me. Blahblahblah. *sigh*
Anyways, let's hope I write a new blog post sometime soon (only if you want? or if I need it? I guess.).
OH! ALSO, FRANK WARREN (POSTSECRET) IS COMING TO MY SCHOOL. AWESOME. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT.
Now, I bid y'all good night and good day.
So, the Greyhound bus that I'm scheduled for doesn't come for another 3 hours or so (more like 4), but hey, I've got this blog to write to, and it can be a good time to be productive. I'm going to be on my way to one of my friend's house (from school), who was nice enough to invite me to her home for Thanksgiving (as it is Thanksgiving break now). I'm super excited to see new places and be on these adventures. They're super fun. -- And this is random, but I just gave a guy $1 (he asked me and I gave him one), since he asked. Random act of kindness for the time being?
Anyways, I'm hoping I get caught up in school because in all seriousness, I'm drowning. I don't exactly show people, but I'm beginning to get slightly worried. Or, at least, I'm slightly worried that I'm not worried enough. I should be doing better in school because the money is coming out of my parents' pockets for now, and they don't really deserve that. (turning to a more depressing tone - because I'm super tired at that too and I get weird when I'm tired).
I feel kind of bad because I don't really talk to my parents or family or anyone really. I'm not exactly sure if I miss them or not. I have no urge/need to talk to them really, and there's such a distance. I'm not sure what to say to them anymore. I feel bad that I don't feel bad, but I'm not sure what to think. Also, I recently received letters from some cousins on my mom's side (who are super Christian by the way), and one was a bit of a mood-lifter, while the other was just like: what did I just read? The latter discussed how I like my school, but I should drop out and go to community college anyway... What?
Anyways from that, I don't really know what I'm doing. I take my days one by one, but also plan it, and yet, I still don't know what I'm doing with it. I act like I know what I'm doing, or maybe, more rather, I sound like I know what I'm doing because I have this "plan" but I really don't know what I'm doing. I suppose everyone has those moments: What am I doing with my life? --- It's really scary. It's really depressing. It's like.. meh.
This also makes me think of how I've been thinking of how people might not like me. I'm always paranoid of how people probably don't like me, but act like they do. Like, there's this one person in my school's juggling club, who I'm almost absolutely positive must hate me. They never really talk to me (they talk to other people though), and they are just a bit intimidating and seem irritated at me. WHAT DID I DO TO THEM? WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THEY HATE ME? *sigh* Whatever I guess. It might just be me. Call me crazy.
Let's see... What have I to do with my schooling? I need to finish that one loan for the next semester (oh, right). I also need to just get my @#$(! together, y'know (well, you probably don't know, but you can just agree - oh yeah, I do). Get it together, bro.
Anyways, anyways, anyways. So, my luggage/suitcase handle doesn't work, which sucks because I'm pulling it with a rope and I'm pretty sure I have bruises on the back of my legs now because you can only imagine how it looks like to pull a heavy suitcase with rope (it nearly rolls horizontally), and the distance (because of the rope probably) isn't that far - which doesn't help. What else?! I hope I get some productivity? Probably said that already. Not really sure what to say now. Not sure what has happened in this past month. Major test failures and whatnot. Meeting some new people. Me being me. Blahblahblah. *sigh*
Anyways, let's hope I write a new blog post sometime soon (only if you want? or if I need it? I guess.).
OH! ALSO, FRANK WARREN (POSTSECRET) IS COMING TO MY SCHOOL. AWESOME. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT.
Now, I bid y'all good night and good day.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Madness Month
So it's been a long time since I posted something new. I've been busy with school and not saying "no" to things. Recently, I pulled an "all-nighter" although I don't really consider it an all-nighter since it wasn't necessary as I wasn't really studying or anything, but I did get more work than usual (meaning I did at least some work). I just got back from eating after work (which I got off early since I wasn't feeling well).
Things have been busy. Planning for the times ahead, as well as taking things as they come. I've planned out my next four years in school - courses and whatnot - and I'm hoping that they work out fairly well.
I've been hanging out with friends and people and doing things - which I have fun, but then again, I feel bad. Why do I feel bad? Well, sometimes, I just don't want to hang out with people (or at least some certain people), but I don't want the friends or people that I do want to hang out with to feel awkward because we're all "friends." I also can't say "no" if people want to hang out because I feel guilty. I understand a lot of people say "no" to hanging out because they have work to do, but when it comes to when I have work and stuff to do, I feel bad to say that I can't hang out. I suppose I need to learn to say "no."
Anyways, other things... Other things... I've been doing pretty poorly in school (I wonder why). I know I should do better, but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to do better. I've been feeling pretty down lately also. Not sure if that affects my schoolwork (well, it affects my participation in things I suppose).
I've been doing better in juggling though! I really enjoy juggling and I'm getting better! I'm learning new tricks and juggling different things. Planning to practice, practice, practice. Although, I feel like I bother the juggling people, so I'm not sure if I should juggle on my own only and not be in the club anymore, or whathaveyou.
There's so many things to say. I should be posting more (even though people probably don't care what I have to say, but it's nice just to get things out - since I don't really have friends). I haven't been making the time to track what I've been doing and now everything is becoming a blur.
What else has been happening.... I'm not sure. Life is life is life. I suppose I shall just try to post more, or something. Maybe I should try to come up with interesting things to say rather than just post about my life.
Side note: Halloween is coming up and I'm not sure if I'm going to dress up. It would be lovely if I could be a pumpkin this Halloween, but I suppose we shall see - I'm not sure how it will work out.
Things have been busy. Planning for the times ahead, as well as taking things as they come. I've planned out my next four years in school - courses and whatnot - and I'm hoping that they work out fairly well.
I've been hanging out with friends and people and doing things - which I have fun, but then again, I feel bad. Why do I feel bad? Well, sometimes, I just don't want to hang out with people (or at least some certain people), but I don't want the friends or people that I do want to hang out with to feel awkward because we're all "friends." I also can't say "no" if people want to hang out because I feel guilty. I understand a lot of people say "no" to hanging out because they have work to do, but when it comes to when I have work and stuff to do, I feel bad to say that I can't hang out. I suppose I need to learn to say "no."
Anyways, other things... Other things... I've been doing pretty poorly in school (I wonder why). I know I should do better, but I'm not sure if I can bring myself to do better. I've been feeling pretty down lately also. Not sure if that affects my schoolwork (well, it affects my participation in things I suppose).
I've been doing better in juggling though! I really enjoy juggling and I'm getting better! I'm learning new tricks and juggling different things. Planning to practice, practice, practice. Although, I feel like I bother the juggling people, so I'm not sure if I should juggle on my own only and not be in the club anymore, or whathaveyou.
There's so many things to say. I should be posting more (even though people probably don't care what I have to say, but it's nice just to get things out - since I don't really have friends). I haven't been making the time to track what I've been doing and now everything is becoming a blur.
What else has been happening.... I'm not sure. Life is life is life. I suppose I shall just try to post more, or something. Maybe I should try to come up with interesting things to say rather than just post about my life.
Side note: Halloween is coming up and I'm not sure if I'm going to dress up. It would be lovely if I could be a pumpkin this Halloween, but I suppose we shall see - I'm not sure how it will work out.
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