Wellp. It's now 3:48 and counting in the morning. I'd like to sleep in my bed without the worries of classes or anything, but someone is occupying my bed right now. I mean, sure I can rightfully take it back, but I don't want to disturb this friend or anything. It seems as if they've had a hard time sleeping, so I'm just letting them sleep. Aren't I a good friend? Maybe.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing. Now would be a good time to sleepover at someone else's place. But that'd also be rude of me. I really want to sleep in a warm, comfy bed right now, but it's okay I guess. I just need to get through today. I just need to get through today...
I just need to keep telling myself that. *sigh* it's going to be a long day. There's no one to talk to at almost-4AM. Everyone is sleeping. Except for the people on the West Coast because it's three hours ahead over there. Whatever!
Anyways, yeah. I don't know why I did that or why I do what I do. I knew that I would have a sleepless night if I let this friend stay over, but I was super tired. I was no fun. I was lonely. Now, they're asleep, snoring on my bed, and that's okay. I guess. I'm just cold, on my floor, with little sad attempts at trying to fall asleep. I don't think it's so much the floor that's making me tired, as so the window being open. I'd close the window, but I fear it'd become too hot then. There's no winning! Now, I suppose I'm just constantly writing in this blog because I cannot do much else and there is no one to talk to. At least I don't think so. Anywho, I'm being super delusional and stuff and can't remember what actually happened and what I imagined happening because I'm so freaking tired. I just need to survive 12 hours or so of consciousness. That's doable. Hopefully. Ugh. I know I'm probably going to be so annoyed at this friend in the morning. Maybe I just need space. People are starting to make me feel weird. This one other friend has been talking to me (a lot more) and it's sort of been freaking me out. I think they want more than a friendship, but I don't. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I just did that. Those kind of things.
I'm sort of hungry, sort of thirsty, but not in the mood to eat or drink. I'm tired. Now, I don't even feel anything - as in drugs - I guess. I'm just super tired. And I just want sleep. Blah. I don't want to wake my friend up.
What is a friend? I don't know. Most of the time I feel like I'm just being used, and maybe I'm fine with that. Whatever works, I suppose. Maybe I just don't care enough to do anything about anything. Like, this one friend just seems to use me, although she's nice and all, she's also mean. I don't need another older sister. And she's just being a jerk to me. It's questionable as to why we're "friends," but I feel like she needs one, so I'm there. I guess. There to just have my ear talked off. To be there as "support" and to just listen I guess. Although, being the jerk-ish friend I am, I don't pay much attention. I mean, all she does is shoot the things I say down and it's like: okay. Now what? I'm supposed to sit there and listen to her whine and complain all the time, but when I whine or complain she pretty much tells me to shut the fuck up? That's cool I guess. Whatever.
Now, I just sound bitter. I'm just cranky and tired. What happened to my happiness? Aw, man. I liked it. Wellp. It's not for another 3 hours until things start to happen. You know? Nothing's happening right now... People are all asleep. I don't want to wake this friend up. I don't want to wake other friends up. I don't know what to do. A walk sounded nice, but I didn't actually go for a walk because of my hunger and lack of confidence. I could've gotten raped! Y'know! I don't know. My bad was also heavy and filled with things and I was unmotivated. As I usually am. I'm probably the most unmotivated person ever.
Anyways, I'm not sure now. It just turned 4. So yeah... Hmm... Tired. Floor. Hard. Cold. Movement. I am drifting through everything right now. But not really. Just tired, not sure if I could keep my eyes open. Not sure if I could handle going to class today.... I don't even know what's going on. I just want to sleep all day now, but that's not going to happen. I also need to do laundry some time soon. Fuck. Why do I feel like people just use me? Why do I use people? Am I really heartless? Do I have no shame? I suppose if I had no shame or anything, I'd be friends with the mail guy by now. But whatever. It'll hopefully happen eventually. I think I should be receiving packages soon. I'm curious as to how the mail works. Hmm... Anyways, what else. I'm just super, extremely tired and unable to wake my friend up because it's rude. I don't know. Maybe they shouldn't have stayed over, although it's whatever I guess. If they enjoyed it. Which I doubt. Because I was asleep half the time. We didn't match up. I'm just annoyed now. Or was. Or will be. I just cannot tolerate people anymore. I don't know. I need to get fixed again. All that progress today (technically yesterday) gone to waste, not that that was progress anyway. I don't know. Too many things happen. I am tired. Good night? Maybe. I have nothing better to do, really. Not that this is a bad thing. I just can't do anything else because that would require more things that I can't handle...
My bed... is occupied. I wish I could be in another friend's bed right now, without having to feel guilty of leaving my first friend (that's sleeping on my bed) here (being my dorm). Oh well. Maybe some other time, when my friend isn't hanging around or irritating me, I'd be with another friend, sharing their bed. That'd be cool. I like comfy beds. I like hanging out with people. I like sleep...
Anywho... I don't know what else to say, except adios!
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